Who am I?

I am the girl in the background; I am the girl in front
I am the one in the corner at the party; I am the girl dancing on the table
I am the quiet and shy one; I am the outgoing and fun one
I am the life of the party; I'm the one who stays at home
I am the one who wants to be invisible; I am the one who just wants to be noticed
I am the smart one; I am the one who knows nothing
I am the humble, peaceful one; I am the one searching
I am everyone; I am no one
I have everything; I have nothing
I am the spiritual girl; I am the irreverant one
I am a walking contradiction; I am ok with who I am
I am beautiful inside; I am not yet beautiful outside, but I am working on it...
I am trying to find myself;  I know who I am
I am surrounded by people; I am so alone

I am the loud one; I am the one who makes no sound

Cheers!

I feel like cancer patients should get a Dave Ramsey cheer when they find out they're cancer free. I'm cancer free!!! Occasionally my patients get better and I get really excited for them.

Go away

I don't know if these are gray hairs or blonde popping up on my head, but either way, I don't appreciate it. I'm not THAT old yet. I feel like I'm about 102, but I'm not quite over the hill yet. 

Letter to ICU patient's families

I shared this on FB today, but I LOVE this article. It's so true. We all have morbid senses of humor and laugh at inappropriate things because If we didn't laugh we'd cry and we couldn't function. http://www.savortheessenceoflife.com/2014/01/12/a-letter-to-the-family-of-my-icu-patient/

This is Baxter.

He is my puppy. My best friend. The love of my life. He is also the biggest reason I have made it through the last year, the worst of my life. I thank God everyday that he is letting me share this beautiful soul for the time being.

Thank you, insomnia...

...because I totally wanted to fold my laundry at 3am and listen to the ridiculous amount of sirens on the highway. Is it really necessary for everyone to use their siren at 3am? I guess it is. Well I sincerely hope everyone is ok, someone is clearly having a worse night than me.

I miss blogging and I think I am hilarious so maybe I'll start writing down my hilarious thoughts and experiences again. Guess it doesn't matter if anyone else reads this or thinks I'm funny. It's not for you, it's therapeutic for me. Right?! Oh wait, if I don't care what anyone else thinks, I shouldn't ask for opinions and say things like "right?!", well I'm not very good at following the rules all the time so I'll do whatever I please cause this is my blog. Maybe I'm just asking the universe for opinions. Maybe someday it'll answer.

Coolest. Invention. Ever.

I want one. Except not in pink. GAG, I HATE pink. Still, the coolest invention ever. Period.

Why you may ask do I want one. I will tell you:

Reminds me of being a kid again with footie PJ's. Nice and cozy. Warm. It's got thumb holes (love thumb holes, they make it comfier). Besides, just like they said "its like a big hug, you can wear." Who can beat that?! It's got pockets, and a hood. Unlike a Snuggie (which I already have) this wraps all the way around you and doesn't fall off and it doesn't leave room for cold air to come in. Unlike pants and socks and shirts these don't ride up, squish down, or fall off. I'm cold blooded (that's a story for another blog though), what can I say, I NEED this. Just not in pink.

"Don't mess with me, I have needles..."

So I figured it was about time I wrote this blog since I am never going to live this story down at work, I thought I'd share. A few months ago I was working one night and my patient (we'll call her YS) was someone I had had the week before when she was on the ventilator. Now she was extubated and using a BiPap machine to breathe. Long time smoker, very large (I'm being nice here), multiple problems, etc., etc. On the ventilator she had been an ok patient. However, during report this night the day nurse said that the patient occasionally would get confused and let's say difficult (combative). She had done great all day though and I did not expect anything different. So, I go in to do my assessment and I am talking to her and WHAM out of nowhere, she punches me in the nose. She did it about 3 more times before I could grab her wrist and stop her. Ok, that hurt and now I'm peeved. So I try to figure out what is wrong, but the patient won't let me touch her and I am unable to understand her because of the face mask. I can't take the mask off because her oxygen saturation plummets to the 80% in seconds without it. So another nurse comes in and tries to talk to YS. She beckons the nurse to come closer and then starts laughing. The darn lady is enjoying this. She wants to abuse us. She got a stern talking to and I finished my assessment while staying out of the reach of one wrist and holding the other. Not very effective. So now my charge nurse (head nurse for the floor for the shift) comes in to try to give her a pill (anti-anxiety, she needs it badly to help calm her down). We mix it in applesauce and quickly take off the mask to give the pill. As soon as that mouthful was in there though, she spits it all over the charge nurse (needless to say, she was not amused). I was on the other side of the bed and missed the spray, thankfully. So I am still really really trying to be patient and figure out what this lady needs/wants but she is seriously stretching my patience thin. So I get a piece of paper to see if she can write what she needs. First she scratches out the word "suck." So I am trying to be empathic and say "oh this sucks, being here in the hospital. I know." She shakes her head vigorously "no." Then she rewrites and I discern out two words that decided her fate for the rest of the night: "YOU SUCK." She starts laughing. Ok, I'm done. Now, I am pissed and my patience is gone. Not "this sucks," "you suck." Directly aimed at me. It takes quite a bit to break my patience like that, but once it's gone, it's gone. Of course I had to take the note to show all the other nurses, which they thought was incredibly funny (I do too now, but at the time I was a little less amused). This story has now spread and more people know from my unit. I may be forever known as the nurse who got told that "you suck" by a patient. Awesome. Back to YS: We told her that she really should be nice to her nurses, we are just trying to help her. After the note I then told her that she really should be nice to me, I'm the one with the needles...I proceeded to get some Geodon (anti-psychotic which also makes people sleepy, yay) which is an IM shot, long needle that goes into the thigh. Unfortunately, with all of her subcutaneous tissue (fat) I'm not sure it even got to the muscle (I'm not being mean, I'm serious), but I got a little satisfaction from sticking her just the same. Later, I also got to give her her Insulin shot, she didn't like that at all, at which I told her "yeah I told you not to mess with me, I have needles." Normally, I don't like sticking my patients, but this night was an exception. Apparently, after an interesting discussion with her MD, we theorized that as her CO2 levels in her body rose, she got crazier. One thing I have learned is that you CANNOT reason with a crazy person, it doesn't work. The longer she wore the mask the better her CO2 levels would come down and her mind/actions would return to normal. So when I walked in the room at 4AM to do her blood draw and bathe her she was a COMPLETELY different person. She was nice, helpful, friendly, talkative, etc. She even helped us bathe her. I don't think she even remembered what had happened 8 hours ago. Ugghhhh...I guess I can't hate her too much, she wasn't in her right mind. People do things they would normally never do otherwise when they are sick and their mind isn't all there. Most would probably be horrified to find out some of the things they do (I've seen them be dumbfounded when they hear what they did and apologize profusely for their actions). This is exactly why I never take anything personally at work, even a note that says "You suck."

Valentine's whatever

As you may recall, cupid died. Remember this?! He's dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Yeah, still dead. I'm married and I still tell you, he's dead. Sorry. Ugh. I hate pink and I hate sappy holidays.

Germ-O-Phobe

I am a germ-o-phobe. A germ freak. Completely OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) about germs. I don't know if nursing has made this better or worse, mostly likely worse. I imagine unseen germs on everything everywhere. For instance, I have an entire routine for dressing, going to work, and undressing. I put on my scrubs for work and since I bring little things like alcohol pads and blunt tip needles home in my pockets, I load up my pockets, then wash my hands. I grab the rest of my crap for work. I leave my name tag and stethoscope in my car and yell at anyone who tries to touch them- I then make them wash their hands. At work I have to have everything in my room in order, clean, and straight, especially my IV lines and other tubes and you better not touch anything in that room either. As I've discovered, this is actually a common trait of night ICU RN's. We all seem to be OCD about cleanliness and order for some reason. Back to germs...Everytime I touch something in the room, especially the patient I basically use alcohol rub or wash my hands. I use alcohol pads on everything too. Hey, better overly cautious than under, right?! My biggest pet peeve is seeing RN's not wearing gowns, gloves (and sometimes masks) in isolation rooms. Drives me nuts. What's even worse than that is when I notice they don't wash their hands, I cringe inside everytime. C-Diff is the worst (a nasty bacteria in stool that spreads like crazy and stinks, by the way) because you CANNOT use alcohol rub on your hands with c-diff patients. It basically takes off all the good bugs on your hands and allows the c-diff to grow. GROSSSSS....You HAVE TO wash your hands. Yet people still don't wash their hands. Ugh. Moving on to heading home. I only wear 1 specific coat to work and I don't wear it anywhere else, same with gloves, scarf, and hat. These items all touch my germy body and scrubs, why would I want to wear them on my day off and invite those germs back onto my body. No thanks. I know basically no one else thinks of this and I wish they would. When I get home, I don't touch anything without washing my hands first and I UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES will let anyone touch me. My scrubs go directly into the dirty laundry baskets. My shoes have their own box in a separate closet. They are essentially quarantined. haha I shower, then put on new clothes. Some mornings this sucks cuz our water isn't very warm and all I want to do is sleep. But there is no way I would lay in my sheets with my nasty scrubs/ skin. Do you have any idea how many bodily fluids, gross things, germs I touch at work a night?! I don't want that on my sheets. (Shudder) YUCK. When I do the laundry (or the rare occassion my husband does it) I immediately wash my hands after putting it in the washer. Yes, I am actually that bad. You should see me with germs in the rest of my life. But I can't get this story from another nurse out of my head, where she said they swabbed the nostrils of the nurse her entire family and even the family dog and they ALL came back positive for MRSA (nasty antibiotic resistant bacteria). Yeah, I want to avoid that if at all possible. My poor future children will never get to play anywhere in public. Alright, now that I have the willies thinking about germs, I'm gonna go now. You should wash your hands. Trust me, you don't know what you've been touching! PERFECT! I'm glad other nurses see invisible germs growing on surfaces.

Glamorous, this is....NOT

A little update since I haven't blogged in so long- I am currently working as a nurse (duh) in a new hospital in an Intensive Care Unit. We do everything from Medical/ Surgical to Coronary Care to Cardiovascular to a small amount of Neuroscience (MSICU, CCU, CVICU, & NSICU). I always thought I would specialize in something, but at least this keeps me up on all of my body systems. Who am I kidding though, most of the time I feel like I don't have a clue about what the hell I am doing. Comforting, huh?! So much for getting out of school and not having to study anymore. Haha, yeah, no deal. I still have to study a ton. I've learned nursing school didn't teach me squat. Bleh. One of my coworkers was telling me the other night about her sister who never got a degree and now makes 6 figures and gets to dress up to go to work everyday. We, on the other hand, wear what is basically pajamas to work everynight. I had to work my ass off to get two degrees over 7 1/2 years of college and I make barely enough to get by. What kind of deal is that? Really. As I was standing in this lovely outfit(plus gloves)

that we have to wear in isolation (infection patients) rooms holding the head of a puking, kicking, punching, screaming, crapping patient while another nurse put down a NG tube (nasogastric tube so she won't puke anymore), I reflected on the fact, glamorous this job is, not; and we are, not. Nights like that I honestly have to search really deep to find a reason why I keep doing this and why I ever wanted to do it in the first place. Cuz' let me tell you just how fun this is. I don't even like germs (that's another blog, coming soon though). Haha, not that anyone likes germs. Wiping butts (when it's not your own kids) and being there when a family finds out that their family member is dying is not really my idea of a good time. SO glad I spent so much on school for this. Oh well, I guess it's the occasional feeling of knowing that you might have actually helped someone (patient or family) or easied their pain for a night. It's the occasional adrenaline rush that I live for. It's the love of medicine. It's the thrill of getting to do all the things I've wanted to do for so long. It's the teaching. It's the occasional thank you's. It's the hoping that you actually made a difference in someone's life. It's the things I learn everyday. It's the joy of getting to tell someone that they're doing better. It's getting to be real. It's being me...Oh well, I guess glamour will have to wait for another day.

Everything I know I should've learned in Kindergarten....

Remember those posters about Everything you should already know?

Yeah well everything I learned in nursing school and in my few short months as a Registered Nurse, I should've already known. These are some examples:

1. Don't drive drunk. Duh. This should be a given, yet people keep doing it and the consequences can be tragic.

2. Wear a helmet. If you're going to ride a bike, scooter, or motorcyle wear the helmet. Believe me saving your life and not having a bolt drilled in your head so they can measure the pressure in your head either before/after they choose to do surgery is worth it. Lucky you. I have personal experience with this. Just wear the dorky helmet.

3. In scooter versus car/ truck/ SUV the scooter (or rather the rider) never wins. The end.

4. Don't ask your physician for antibiotics when you don't need them. If you do not have a bacterial infection you do NOT need antiobiotics. This is the reason that MRSA, VRE, and C-Diff (YUCK) are becoming such a problem. If you have a cold or the flu get some rest, drink fluids, and take some tylenol.

5. Wash your hands. This is a classic Kindergarten lesson, now it just applies more. Hand washing is the number one prevention of infection.

6. If you think "I probably shouldn't be doing this" or "this is probably going to hurt" before you do something, save yourself and the hospital a lot of trouble and money and just don't do it. (I dedicate this to all Terrell boys. Don't tell them I said that, haha).

7. Along with #6 a lot of people suffer from a disease called NCM (No Common Sense). If you have common sense, use it. If you don't have common sense find a way to learn it or have someone teach it to you.

8. Guns and knives are NOT toys. Don't get me wrong, I love guns, but there are rules for using them. If you don't know how to use them and don't respect them, stay the hell away from them.

9. Don't smoke. You'd think this would be self explanatory by now, but since people are still doing it, it's obviously not. Yes, I realize it's addictive, but guess what, heart attacks, COPD, and cancer hurt (and are expensive).

10. Wild animals are NOT pets. (Case in example)

11. Don't play with fire. It burns. Duh.

12. Look both ways before crossing the street. Thank you Moms of the world.

13. Don't talk to strangers. Still applies, adults.

#14 removed because of recent nursing experiences

15. SMART cars are NOT so smart. The amount you will save in insurance and gas money will not make up for the emotional, physical, and psychological pain you will go through when you crash this so called "smart" car. They show videos of SMART cars coming out of crashes faring pretty well, unfortunately, the person inside that car does not usually fare so well. Sure you may live through it, but you will probably wish you hadn't. But hey, if you want to have broken legs, ribs, etc. and have a drill stuck in your head so they can take pressure off of your brain because you have a serious head injury be my guest, buy the stupid car, idiot. (Not so smart, or cute anymore)

16. Honesty is always the best policy. The end. (How about you just follow the 10 Commandments, they're there for a reason).

17. Get out and move. Exercise. Your body will thank you later.

18. Every person on this earth, no matter what they've done and who they are, are worth something and should be treated as such.

19. Balance and moderation are oh so important. While I am not one to banish my patients from eating salt and sweets (as a cardiac nurse), it's all about moderation. Moderation. Moderation.

20. To end on a positive note: Love, laughter, and faith heal.

So there you go, that's just some of what I've learned (or already knew). That was an awfully expensive education to "learn" those. Lame.

The two little piggies (or fingers)...

This little piggy went to the ER. This little piggy stayed on. This little piggy got stitches. This little piggy got none. Apparently I decided I wanted to cut off my fingers the other day. Cut right through the apple and right into two of my fingers. Too bad my husband keeps the knives from our butcher block really sharp. I'm lucky I didn't chop my fingers off. When water didn't stop the bleeding I admit I panicked a bit when I realized how much blood I was losing and I was like "what do I do now?" Then I'm like, "Jennie, chill out, you're a NURSE. Get a grip. Put pressure on them. Call your husband." Ridiculous. haha. I think I nearly gave the poor boy a heart attack with that phone call. (Don't tell my apartment complex I bled on the carpet, oops). After running into 3 techs that I went through orientation with and 2 respiratory therapists I knew and getting made fun of a lot. I ended up with just 4 lousy stitches (luckily my nail acted like my stitches for my other finger although I will probably lose the nail later, lame) and two bulky ugly bandages that don't inspire a lot of confidence in my patients. I tried to get out of the stitches and just go home, but I had to work the same day and open wounds and nursing is a recipe for an infection. But hey, one of the doctors on my floor even said he had done the same thing. So, what did I learn? Stay away from knives. Don't get an infection (I can't even wear gloves at work so they sent me home later, lame). Scars are NOT a fashion statement. Lidocaine hurts like HELL going in, but makes you feel really weird when it works and hurts when it wears off. It's incredibly hard to work (nursing) with one hand (for instance trying to attach an IV line). Cuts HURT (can't be on narcotics at work, you get fired so no prescription for me, just Tylenol). Ok, that's about it. I'm buying an apple slicer. I don't think my husband will object.

It's Official...

I'm a Registered Nurse!!!!! I graduated with my Bachelor's Degree in Nursing in December and I took my Nursing Licensure Exam (NCLEX), my "boards" in February and PASSED!!! It was possibly one of the worst experiences of my life. I think everyone who takes it comes out and feels like they failed it. It definitely was the hardest test I've ever taken. I NEVER want to do that again and luckily I don't have to. You can have as little as 75 questions or as many as 265 and when the computer decides you are either competent or incompetent the screen goes blank and you're done. It sucks because you're like "NO!!!...give me more questions, I can do better, I swear!!" Then you cry. Never again. But, I passed (with 75 luckily, I don't think my nerves could have handled anymore). So I am officially a RN, BSN. Woohoo!! I'm working on a cardiac unit for now. So far it's good. I feel like I'm back in school though. Except now I get paid. YAY. I have class, computer work at home which is incredibly intense because it's the Critical Care Fellowship that I am in and the computer program is for critical care nurses (much more info and more intense than school), and homework out of a huge notebook I have to read for my unit, plus all the requirements that I have to do on my unit....and learning how to be a new nurse. I'm a little overwhelmed. Ok, really overwhelmed. Who sleeps? Except now sleep is essential because going to work without sleep and having to think on your feet and remember everything you've learned plus analyze and make critical decisions is a BAD idea on no sleep. Good thing this ends soon (class part) and I still have the rest of my fellowship to figure out what I'm doing. haha My poor patients. It's a good place to start though. Eventually I want to be in Trauma and then maybe ICU though, but I'm not ready for that yet. So I'm happy with where I'm at right now. Gotta love the heart! I finally achieved my goal after 9 EXTREMELY LONG years. I'm finally a nurse!! YAY for me. :)

P.S. I saw Xena on another unit the other day. haha

Love Story

I will seek and find you. I shall take you to bed and have my way with you. I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan. I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you. And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love, The Flu

Now get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!

Ahhahahahahahahahahaha...my nursing friend sent me this and I thought it was hilarious. Ok, maybe demented medical humor. But whatever.

Once upon a time, I got married!!!

So 11 days after I got back from Belize and the day after I took my final I got married in the Washington DC Temple. I truly had the PERFECT wedding day!! Not one thing went wrong on my wedding day. It was perfect! It was beautiful outside and not too hot or humid, we were even early to the Temple, the ceremony was beautiful, and we had a blast taking pictures. Here's a few in case you haven't seen any:

Also, our amazing photographer has some of our pictures on her website. They are under her wedding pictures "Chris and Jennie" if you want to see them! She did an INCREDIBLE job!!

80's Flashback

So I was sitting in class the other day and I saw that one my classmates actually had a Trapper Keeper. Wow! I haven't seen one of these in ages! I didn't even know you could get these any more. Oh the memories. If you remember this blog or this one, these things keep happening. The 80's are coming back to haunt me, I swear. Ahhh!!

UnBelizeable!

Yes, they actually use corny phrase like these down there. haha So, I got some of the flooding pictures from the other MU group in Belize. Here's a brief glimpse (I have hundred of pics and video from the flooding) at what they got to do in Belize: When was the last time you saw the Coast Guard going down the road in a boat? Check out how high the water is on the windows in the background...and it's still raining This sucks. Oh look! A helicopter. Maybe they're coming to visit. Sorry, not so much. They were evacuated. Which is mostly good. This is why we couldn't go help with the relief effort even though we wanted to (the road to Gales Point, I believe).

But since they were evacuated, they got to come play with us at our super cool resort and because they are Marine Biology they had underwater cameras so we have lots and lots of blackmails pics now of us in the freakin' sweet pools at the resort. Oh joy. Here's a couple I will allow you to see though. haha, creepy

we're still little kids at heart and convinced them to turn on the "pterodactyl fountain" for us Do you know how hard it is to get this many people in the same pic underwater? (this is one of the least scary ones too, believe it or not) (All of us-both MU groups). So there you have it, the summarized (VERY) version of my trip to Belize! Hope you enjoyed it. I did!

You better BELIZE it!!

After I got engaged I decided to go to Belize for 3 weeks and get home 11 days before my wedding (actually I decided to go to Belize a long time ago, the wedding just threw in an interesting decision of whether to go or not). While it was incredibly stressful to get prepared to go and to get home so late and it was definitely NOT a vacation, it was also a great experience. We worked our butts off. I didn't even get a tan until the last two days I was there. Pathetic. For 3 weeks 5 other nursing students and I and two professors did blood pressure and diabetes screenings in clinics, hospitals, and community centers and taught health education including teeth brushing, hand washing, HIV/AIDS education, nutrition, safety, etc. in schools in the villages in the Cayo District of Belize. (Belmopan Hospital) (The whole group including our ProBelize leaders) The days were long. It was HOT and HUMID. When I say that, I mean that we soaked through our shirts and didn't even care because there was nothing you could do about it. People had salt lines on their shirts from the sweat. Nasty. But it was rewarding and a great experience. The poverty was incredible and hard to take in. (A typical house- this is actually relatively nice even if it is small). It was not something I will forget soon. At times it seemed there was so little we could do it was almost hopeless. I wish I could include more pics, I have thousands, but in an effort to protect identities of the Belizean people I've tried to somewhat hide faces. I truly came to love these people though. I hope someday I can return to San Ignacio and the villages that we visited. Thanks to Tropical Storm Andrew the Marine Biology group from Marymount joined us in San Ignacio too. (Both Marymount groups) They have a much more exciting story from Belize than we do. That's a very long story though. Let's just say they had to be rescued by helicopter. Their village ended up under water. We just got days and days and days of pouring rain (it NEVER stopped). (POURING) That's the condensed and somewhat altered version. But hey, it's a blog. Have some more pics. If you want the real stories from Belize, ask me.
(Just so you know we stayed in an absolutely INCREDIBLE resort pictured here) (roughing it in the jungle, haha) (the damn bird that came through the cage and bit me, yes, actually bit me at the zoo. Great story.) (Xunantunich Mayan Ruins) (We also had the amazing opportunity to go to Tikal, Guatemala which was an experience of a lifetime! I climbed those stupid very slick stairs in the rain, not smart, but incredible views!) (the last day we got to go to Caye Caulker and go snorkeling, it felt like a completely different country, but it was beautiful and fun too!)