Everything I know I should've learned in Kindergarten....

Remember those posters about Everything you should already know?

Yeah well everything I learned in nursing school and in my few short months as a Registered Nurse, I should've already known. These are some examples:

1. Don't drive drunk. Duh. This should be a given, yet people keep doing it and the consequences can be tragic.

2. Wear a helmet. If you're going to ride a bike, scooter, or motorcyle wear the helmet. Believe me saving your life and not having a bolt drilled in your head so they can measure the pressure in your head either before/after they choose to do surgery is worth it. Lucky you. I have personal experience with this. Just wear the dorky helmet.

3. In scooter versus car/ truck/ SUV the scooter (or rather the rider) never wins. The end.

4. Don't ask your physician for antibiotics when you don't need them. If you do not have a bacterial infection you do NOT need antiobiotics. This is the reason that MRSA, VRE, and C-Diff (YUCK) are becoming such a problem. If you have a cold or the flu get some rest, drink fluids, and take some tylenol.

5. Wash your hands. This is a classic Kindergarten lesson, now it just applies more. Hand washing is the number one prevention of infection.

6. If you think "I probably shouldn't be doing this" or "this is probably going to hurt" before you do something, save yourself and the hospital a lot of trouble and money and just don't do it. (I dedicate this to all Terrell boys. Don't tell them I said that, haha).

7. Along with #6 a lot of people suffer from a disease called NCM (No Common Sense). If you have common sense, use it. If you don't have common sense find a way to learn it or have someone teach it to you.

8. Guns and knives are NOT toys. Don't get me wrong, I love guns, but there are rules for using them. If you don't know how to use them and don't respect them, stay the hell away from them.

9. Don't smoke. You'd think this would be self explanatory by now, but since people are still doing it, it's obviously not. Yes, I realize it's addictive, but guess what, heart attacks, COPD, and cancer hurt (and are expensive).

10. Wild animals are NOT pets. (Case in example)

11. Don't play with fire. It burns. Duh.

12. Look both ways before crossing the street. Thank you Moms of the world.

13. Don't talk to strangers. Still applies, adults.

#14 removed because of recent nursing experiences

15. SMART cars are NOT so smart. The amount you will save in insurance and gas money will not make up for the emotional, physical, and psychological pain you will go through when you crash this so called "smart" car. They show videos of SMART cars coming out of crashes faring pretty well, unfortunately, the person inside that car does not usually fare so well. Sure you may live through it, but you will probably wish you hadn't. But hey, if you want to have broken legs, ribs, etc. and have a drill stuck in your head so they can take pressure off of your brain because you have a serious head injury be my guest, buy the stupid car, idiot. (Not so smart, or cute anymore)

16. Honesty is always the best policy. The end. (How about you just follow the 10 Commandments, they're there for a reason).

17. Get out and move. Exercise. Your body will thank you later.

18. Every person on this earth, no matter what they've done and who they are, are worth something and should be treated as such.

19. Balance and moderation are oh so important. While I am not one to banish my patients from eating salt and sweets (as a cardiac nurse), it's all about moderation. Moderation. Moderation.

20. To end on a positive note: Love, laughter, and faith heal.

So there you go, that's just some of what I've learned (or already knew). That was an awfully expensive education to "learn" those. Lame.

The two little piggies (or fingers)...

This little piggy went to the ER. This little piggy stayed on. This little piggy got stitches. This little piggy got none. Apparently I decided I wanted to cut off my fingers the other day. Cut right through the apple and right into two of my fingers. Too bad my husband keeps the knives from our butcher block really sharp. I'm lucky I didn't chop my fingers off. When water didn't stop the bleeding I admit I panicked a bit when I realized how much blood I was losing and I was like "what do I do now?" Then I'm like, "Jennie, chill out, you're a NURSE. Get a grip. Put pressure on them. Call your husband." Ridiculous. haha. I think I nearly gave the poor boy a heart attack with that phone call. (Don't tell my apartment complex I bled on the carpet, oops). After running into 3 techs that I went through orientation with and 2 respiratory therapists I knew and getting made fun of a lot. I ended up with just 4 lousy stitches (luckily my nail acted like my stitches for my other finger although I will probably lose the nail later, lame) and two bulky ugly bandages that don't inspire a lot of confidence in my patients. I tried to get out of the stitches and just go home, but I had to work the same day and open wounds and nursing is a recipe for an infection. But hey, one of the doctors on my floor even said he had done the same thing. So, what did I learn? Stay away from knives. Don't get an infection (I can't even wear gloves at work so they sent me home later, lame). Scars are NOT a fashion statement. Lidocaine hurts like HELL going in, but makes you feel really weird when it works and hurts when it wears off. It's incredibly hard to work (nursing) with one hand (for instance trying to attach an IV line). Cuts HURT (can't be on narcotics at work, you get fired so no prescription for me, just Tylenol). Ok, that's about it. I'm buying an apple slicer. I don't think my husband will object.

A review of 2007

I stole this survey from someone else :)
[X] Became single
[X] got kissed
[X] kissed someone new
[ ] kissed in the snow
[ ] kissed in the rain
[ ] kissed on the beach
[ ] 'fell in love'
[ ] 'fell in love' with a fool
[X] had my heart broken
[X] broke someone else's heart
[X] had a stalker
[X] lost a friend
[X] had a good relationship with someone
[ ] came out of my closet
[ ] got married
[ ] had a divorce
[X] kissed someone of the same sex (on the cheek)
[X] dated someone that you will never forget
[X] did something I regret
[X] lost faith in love
[ ] kissed under mistletoe
[ ] got a promotion
[ ] got a pay raise
[ ] changed jobs
[ ] quit my job
[ ] dated a co-worker
[ ] dated my boss
[ ] dated my boss's son/ daughter
[ ] got fired from my job
[ ] got straight A's
[X] met a teacher who I became friends with
[X] met a teacher who I really hate
[X] found the subject I love
[X] failed a class (since a 78% is now failing for me. Booo)
[X] cut class
[X] skipped school
[ ] got in a fight with a classmate
[X] did something I was proud of
[X] discovered a new talent
[X] proved myself that I'm an idiot
[X] embarrassed myself in front of the class
[ ] fell in love with a teacher
[ ] got the lead/minor lead role in the school play
[ ] made a team
[X] was involved in something that I will never forget
[ ] painted a picture
[ ] wrote a poem
[ ] ran a mile
[X] listened to music I couldn't stand
[X] double dipped
[X] went to a sleepover
[ ] went to camp
[ ] threw a surprise party
[X] laughed till I cried
[X] flirted shamelessly
[ ] visited a foreign country
[X]visited a state
[ ] cooked a disastrous meal
[X] lost something important to me
[X] got a gift I love
[X] realized something new about myself
[ ] went on a diet
[ ] tried to gain weight
[ ] dyed my hair
[ ] came close to losing my life
[X] someone/thing close to me died
[ ] got arrested
[X] read a great book
[X] saw a great movie
[ ] saw a movie so scary that it made me cry
[ ] saw a favorite band live
[X] did something that I wanted to tell everyone
[X] experienced something new
[X] made new friends
[X] found out who your real friends are
[X] lied to your parents
[ ] snuck out
[ ] got in trouble with the po-po
[ ] kissed in a pool
[X] kissed under the stars
[X] had the time of your life
[X] danced
[ ] fell out of love
[X] had a crush on someone
[X] swam in a pool
[ ] made a snowman
[ ] went snowboarding
[ ] went sledding
[X] slept in past 2pm
[X] held someone’s hand that you care about
[ ] got wasted in a public place
[X] told someone you like them as more than a friend
[X] gone on vacation
[X] gone on vacation with a friend
[X] driven a car
[ ] danced in the rain
[X] got in a car accident
[X] seen someone get in a car accident
[ ] got in a fist fight
[X] laughed until you couldn't breathe
[X] missed someone
[ ] sent someone to the hospital
[ ] got a new pet

A YEAR-END SURVEY1.) Who was your best friend at the beginning of this year? The end?
At the beginning- friends from home and Utah, End- Still friends from home and lots of new friends from Va and DC.
2.) What was your status by Valentine's Day? Single.
3.) Were you in school (anytime this year)? Yes, the whole year.
4.) How did you earn your keep? Ha. Doing homework and more homework and more homework and going to clinicals. Did I mention doing homework?!
5.) Did you ever have to go to the hospital? hahahahaha all the time....for clinicals.
6.) Have you encountered the police this year? :)
7.) Where did you go on vacation? Utah, Colorado, NYC, New Hampshire, Maine, Massachusetts
8.) What did you purchase that was over $500? Tuition, books
9.) Did you know anybody who got married? Of course
10.) Did you know anybody who passed away? My Grandma died :(
11.)How many times did you go on facebook/myspace? many many times
12.) Did you move anywhere? To Virginia
13.) What sporting events did you go to? Caps, Nationals (is that it?! Ugh. That sucks)
14.) What concerts did you go to? Harry and the Potters is the only one I can remember. Lamesauce.
15) Are you registered to vote? In Colorado
16.) If so, did you do your patriotic duty on Nov. 6? I didn't get my absentee ballot. I suck.
17.) Where do you live now? Arlington, VA
18.) Describe your birthday. I sent all of my friends and family an email describing what they could and couldn't talk to me about (see in one of my previous blogs) and CRD brought me DP (he is awesome!!). Then my roommies took me to dinner at P.F. Chang's (the only Chinese food I like- not really Chinese, but very good). It was fabulous!!
19.) What's the one thing you thought you would never do but did in 2007? make it through my first year of nursing school (I knew I'd do it, it's just amazing it's done)
20.) What is one thing you regretted this year? Don't really want to rehash bad memories, thank you
21.) What's something you learned about yourself? That I'm a different person on the East Coast than I am at home
22.) Any new additions to your family? Not yet...unless you count the nephew in my sister-in-law's belly
23.) What was your best month? Do people have "best months?"
24.) How would you rate this year with a scale from 1 (crappy) to 10 (amazing)? I dunno. 7 maybe

This isn't Celebrity Death Match

So clinicals were a little out of control tonight. They were loooong and at points kind of boring. Other points were cool. I won't give you details on seeing a circumcision done or feeling a fundus, cuz I'm pretty sure that just made some of you puke, but it wasn't all bad. There were some interesting moments. The problem moments were between my instructor and a certain individual (who will remain un-named although you could probably figure it out), they had somewhat of a disagreement. In other words, they despise each other. Basically they spent the entire shift venting about each other and we vented about this particular individual too. He irritates the staff, offends the patients, and pisses off our instructor, along with annoying all of our clinical group. We just dread all shift what's going to go wrong next with him...aka what he's going to do to piss someone else off and then my instructor has to try to fix it. Don't get me wrong, this individual is very nice and probably has good intentions he just goes about them all the wrong way. When he doesn't get his way he appeals to the person above the person he asked and so on until someone gets so irritated they just say yes to get him to just shut up and leave them alone. He thinks he's entitled to everything whenever he wants it. Lamesauce. Then he throws a hissy fit when he doesn't get his way. Good grief, we're not in grade school anymore, kids. These are our second degrees. Grow up!!

Anyways, my clinical instructor happens to be a very outspoken person (sound familiar?!). Except, unlike me, she uses very, um, filthy language when talking, especially when she's mad. Boy was she mad today....and at a student, even worse. She went off on this particular student to us several times while he was in another part of the hospital observing, then she came to "save us" from him during dinner, then when this particular student didn't show up for our presentations on time (like half an hour late) I thought she was going to blow a gasket. The cuss words flying around that room were a bit shocking. That's not the worst of it though...the worst is what he was calling her. He literally pulled my friend out of her patient's room (where her patient was giving birth) and started spouting off about our instructor and then decided that he was going to disregard our instructor's instructions anyways and go watch a C-Section that he wanted to see, just because he felt like it. He hates our instructor so he was complaining about her in the hallway to my poor friend. #1 Totally inappropriate place for that conversation (patients and families are all around and can hear everything you're saying), #2 Very unprofessional, #3 If you have a problem talk to the person you have the problem with, not everyone else, #4 Wow, I won't repeat the word he used to describe our instructor, but it's possibly THE most offensive word you can use to describe a female (no, I'm not kidding) and he said this is the hallway of the Labor/ Delivery floor. So needless to say, it was an unpleasant atmosphere in our post-conference tonight. Our instructor was confronting him as we were leaving....we bailed, we practically ran out of the building. Don't get me wrong, I don't usually back down from fights, but when you start resorting to name calling like we're 12 years old again and I think fists might actually get involved between 2 sober adults, I'm sorry I'm outta there. Good grief, buddy, grow up. Buck up and do your school work. She's the instructor with a Bachelor's and Master's and years of experience in this stuff why can't you just follow her instructions for once?? This isn't Celebrity Death Match, I didn't sign up for this.

Ok, that's just flat out X

It's been a while since I wrote a blog on my actual classes, sorry. Just for the record, my instructor was wrong, my slides say it's actually > 3-4 cups/day of caffeine that's unsafe for pregnant women, not 5. Still, that's a LOT.

I decided after my class last week that Drama Queen is just plain Anti-Estrogen in addition to the multitude of many other issues she has. But that would explain a lot if she is. She also just can't leave milk alone. She just has to bring it up every class. Basically my friends and I decided that "If you learned anything in this class, just don't drink milk." Ok, wow, I think I'm dumber for being here. My big mouth got me in serious trouble though last week. My friends call it my filter. The filter between my brain and my mouth. Yeah, sometimes it catches things before I say them out loud, often it does not. Hence the blog name. :) Anyways, we were doing a test review and the professor basically just reads the test to us. Awesome. So she's rattling off questions and (p.s. having 4 3rd semester accelerated nursing students sitting together in a 1st semester class is a really bad idea, we are just FULL of smart ass comments. I'm sure she thinks we're obnoxious know-it-alls who don't care...oh yeah, we are :P)....she's like asthma is caused by allergies and allergies are triggered by (here's her pause waiting for the answer and Jennie yells out)....."MILK !!!" Oh my gosh, I actually said that out loud!! Wow. Oops. Everyone just burst out laughing. Brilliant Jennie. It was like a knee jerk reaction, but I just couldn't resist giving the smart ass response. I don't know if she heard me, but people like 7 rows up from me were laughing, so apparently it was really loud. I'm sure she hates me now. Eh, oh well. She pretty much begged for that one. Oh, I'm so mean. Moving on...

Drama Queen also went off last week about Colorado and high altitudes. I'm from Colorado and I miss it horribly, I absolutely love that state. Ok that was a side note. She was talking about pulmonary edema (short explanation- fluid in the air sacs in the lungs) and how you can get it from hiking at high altitudes. Ok, granted that's true, but rare. But she basically sounded like a commercial for this drug Diamox that you can take that helps you breathe better. "I highly recommend that when you go to Colorado you get a prescription." Ha, that's the Florida girl talking. She talked about going hiking in Colorado and how it's SO high. blah blah blah Ok, I hiked a fourteener last year. It really wasn't that hard and it was totally worth it. Of course I was acclimated to Colorado altitude, but still it's not really THAT high. She's like, "they suggest you walk in, not fly." *Snort* City girl! Then of course she had to bring up Wyoming, Tibet and Peru and how the same thing happens in all those places too and you absolutely HAVE to get a prescription for Diamox before you go there because of course it worked for her. Uh huh, cuz she's so cultural. I swear by the time my class is over every week you'd think my eyes would be stuck in a permanent eye roll.

Ok, different class now...Stalker was really on one yesterday. This was great dialog between Stalker and my friend and I (at the back of the class of course, so he didn't hear us) though: [We were talking about epidurals and spinals that are given to women during labor] S: "So this is given after?" Us: "Because post-partum means what?" "When the baby is parted from the mother's body." Wow. I feel like my IQ drops every lecture. Apparently we need to go over basic definitions like "post" again. Unbelievable. People in my class (the same people, over and over and over again) kept asking the same questions too. Write it down people. You could tell my professor was getting ticked, she actually started being short with people. By this time my friend and I were having completely different discussions in the back of the class of course and laughing our heads off. That probably didn't help my professor's mood. Eh, I don't really care. We were annoyed too. Part of that discussion involved the fact that several people were wearing rather unusual hats in class. This is an example of what some sort of looked like. (this last one was on "uh-huh's head, if you remember him from my MySpace blogs, except it was much much smaller, as in it only covered the very top of his head, yeah weird). Ok here's the dialog now: "What's up with the hats today?" "Maybe it blocks the rain [it's been raining for 2 days straight now]." "It doesn't even cover their faces." "Maybe he has a problem losing body heat." "hahaha." "Apparently we're in Paris now." "I love it." :)

Alright I saved the worst for last. Since it's O.B. the pictures in our slides are rather graphic. (See the "Do I have what?! Shhh...." Doctor Porn blog for more explanation). My friend likes to point out that they also happen to be drawn anatomically incorrect. I decided that including one of those pictures was just a really bad idea and this is the commentary that resulted between said friend and I: "You're doing your part to de-sexualize medical conditions." LOL...actually that was from her friend and I just sat there and stared at her for a minute and was like, are you serious?! "That's not even remotely attractive." "Well I just think people need to know this." I still decided that including the pics was too graphic. This was her advice to me, "Well you did make your blog PG-13," and my response, "Ok, that's just flat out X." Uh yeah sorry, no pictures kids.

Avoid caffeine = 5 cups of coffee a day??

I don't really have time to put a full story of last week's classes together so this is just the highlights. Drama Queen has it in for milk, seriously. For some reason my slides aren't opening so I'll just quote what she typed on the slides, my comments are in brackets. "Do not put a baby or child to bed with a bottle of milk!!! [Um, this is Pathophysiology, NOT Pediatrics, I happen to be in OB and Peds right now too, so I don't really think you're the expert on kids, sorry.] If the child must have a bottle in bed, fill it only with water. When they lie flat, children will aspirate the milk down the right main stem bronchus and develop pneumonia- very common [I'm pretty sure if you lie anyone flat with fluids while sleeping, they'll aspirate and could develop pneumonia, it's not just the milk]. No pacifiers- They cause vacuum pressure in eustachian tubes with resultant otitis media (ear infection). No smoking around infants and children- results in lung and ear infections." She then felt the need to add her comment that this was not her bias and that studies have been done that have shown these results [that just made me roll my eyes, not your bias, B.S.]. She also mentioned several times that her children didn't ever take pacifiers [of course not, because your children were perfect, of course]. This woman drives me crazy! I wish I could put some of our slides on here for last week, you can't even read them, the print is so small and they're just paragraphs of information that we can't even read. Oh, and how do you know that your professors need a hobby? When they're so bored they're putting the pictures of famous authors who had diseases from the 1800's on your slides because they have nothing better to do. What a waste of ink and paper, since we have to print them out. This particular author that she put a picture of on our slides had TB (tuberculosis). She told his story of how he moved to a better climate for treating his TB, then his wife hated it, so they moved to a different climate and the "TB loved it. [like it had a personality] It did him in. [Of course it did, otherwise the story would SO not be worth DQ telling it]." It's like inanimate objects talking, except now diseases have personalities too, lovely. Oh, and we're CONSTANTLY told NOT to diagnose in nursing school, including this class. But somehow several times each week DQ will find a way to slip into her lectures "nurses do a big job in diagnosing." Or "the doctor told me that basically I diagnosed the guy." Of course you did, and you're the hero and you lived happily ever after....oh wait, wrong story. Oh, by the way, apparently DQ has gone off on milk in other classes. My friend said that she also told them not to shave their arm-pits [excuse me while I gag here] and that deoderant is bad and gives you infections, or something like that [remind me never to get too close to her]. The woman might actually be insane, I don't know though, I'm not supposed to diagnose.

OB is always interesting as well. Monotone nearly kills me each week of boredom. Everytime I look around the room everyone looks like a bunch of zombies that are completely zoned out. We may be looking at the professor, but that doesn't mean we're paying attention. Like I said, it takes all of 10 minutes or less to zone out in that class. The glazed over eyes aren't from drugs, they're from boredom and lack of sleep. This is about how I feel about that class: Actually this picture was on the slide about the effects of alcohol and drugs and tobacco on pregnant women. As my professor put it, "cigarrettes have that stuff in them, what is it called, nicotine, in addition to upteine other things, and it's best avoided." Um, no kidding. Street drugs will cause your "baby to be born as a junkie." Oh yes, this is the enlightenment I get in my classes each week. That doesn't even count the comments we get from the idiots in our classes. OB is probably the worst b/c some of the students have kids in there, so obviously they think this makes them THE experts on the subject (more so than the professor, at least). They also think whatever stupid things they hear from their friends who have kids are automatically facts. One said idiot tried to argue with my professor for like 10 minutes about whether you can have too much Vitamin C or not. My professor kindly tried to explain time and time again that Vitamin C is water-soluble and therefore goes right through you. It can't build up in your body. But this girl was having none of that. She's still convinced that you can have too much. Apparently we need to go over the definitions of water and fat-soluble again. Good grief.

Pre-natal classes are common and there's several different ones besides just "Lamaze" which is the one most people have heard of. Unfortunately, one of them is named after it's creator "Dick-Read." Why the hell would you name a childbirth education class this? I also love (NOT) that all of them are created by men. As one of my friends raised her hand and asked in class, "are any of these actually created by a woman who's been through birth?" Seriously! One of them is all about the woman being able to feel the pain and he thinks that "fear of birth = tension/ pain." Um, I'm pretty sure that's because he's a guy and he's never been through it. The jerk. I'd love to see him try to go through just an hour of labor. I'm pretty sure he'd change his entire philosophy then. Apparently when you no longer fear the birth you won't feel tension or pain. Yeah right.

Peds was actually pretty good this week. I actually learned stuff. That might have more to do with the fact that I had a really cute 14 month old as a patient this week, so lecture related to what I actually saw with my patient. I totally wanted to keep him, he was adorable. But the one highlight from that class was when my professor (Scatterbrained) was talking about allergies [not milk] and stated "If the dog/ cat dies, it's a good opportunity not to get a new one." Brutal! My classmate chimed in and was like "In other words kill it," (sarcastically of course). I think that just came out really wrong for Scatterbrained. It did not go over well for my class.

Oh, the title line: "Avoid caffeine = 5 cups of coffee a day" is from OB. Apparently avoiding caffeine during pregnancy is equal to having no more than 5 cups of coffee a day, a couple of bars of chocolate, some coke, etc. Ok, even thinking about that much caffeine is making me sick and I'm not pregnant. Yuck! It sounds a lot like the diets of a lot of my classmates though. Not like mine is all that much better, minus the coffee. :)

Why I don't go on blind dates anymore

So some friends and I were discussing malpractice insurance for Doctors the other night and it reminded me of the time that I could have sued a Doctor for misdiagnosing me....We were also discussing dating which reminds me of the same story. This is why I will NEVER go on another blind date again. This is also why I don't have an appendix, or a belly button either.

I woke up at 12:30am with the worst pain I've ever experienced. Actually, it's a toss up between that pain and the pain of having the packing removed from my nose after that surgery. But, that's an entirely different story. I can tolerate my fair share of pain, really at it's worse I've only called my pain an 8 out of 10. For me to call it a 10, I'd have to be unconscious from the pain, nearly dead. Anyways, I suffered through the night somehow until 8:30am and then convinced one of my roommates to take me to the Health Center at BYU (this is no way degrades the care of the Health Center, they are great!!). Let me back up just for a second, my pain was in my abdomen, but was not localized like appendicitis usually is. Since I knew appendicitis is usually pain in the lower right quadrant of the abdomen I figured that it was not appendicitis so I could put heat on it, which I did. BAD BAD idea. NEVER EVER put heat on appendicitis. It can kill you! I'm an idiot. Luckily I survived my stupidity. Back to the Health Center....I received IV #1 and fluids. They took a x-ray of my abdomen and the Doctor determined that I was constipated. Are you freakin' kidding me?! Worst pain of my life and he's says it's just constipation. Yeah right. He wouldn't give me any pain medication because he said that would make the constipation worse. Lovely. I stayed in misery for the next 4 hours at the Health Center. They finally sent me home sometime after noon (they took out my IV) and told me to call if I started vomiting.

I went home and of course...I started vomiting. At this point they decided that I needed to get in to have a CT Scan. So I drove to the Imaging place, bawling my eyes out. At this point, I called my brother and sister-in-law and asked them to meet me there. At the Imaging place of course they had to start another IV (IV #2) to do a contrast CT Scan. If you've never had one of these done, I'll just tell you this, it leaves a copper taste (kind of like penny's) in your mouth and also makes you feel like you peed your pants. I know, awesome. At least I can have empathy for my patients now, I guess. They did the CT Scan and I sat in the waiting room with my bro and sis- in-law and nephew for a while crying until they told me to go straight to the hospital, I had appendicitis, I have to have surgery immediately. Basically, do not pass go, do not collect $200. So, luckily the Imaging place was around the corner from the hospital. I was no longer in any shape to drive though, so I had to leave my car and have my sis-in-law drive. I'm so grateful for the Priesthood in my life. My brother gave me a blessing on the way to the hospital, it wasn't the only one I would get during this hospital visit.

We got to the hospital ER (I don't remember what time it was). So much for being an emergency, though. I sat in the waiting room of the ER for like another 2 hours, puking my guts up in a bucket. Oh the joy. I vaguely remember that one of the bathrooms was flooding in the waiting room too, but maybe I just made that detail up, I don't know. My brother called my Mom while when we got to the ER waiting room to tell her what was up. Unfortunately, I had not warned her of what was going on, so she just got a phone call from my brother saying..."we're in the ER, Jennie has to have surgery." Hahaha, my poor Mom. My brother thought I had talked to her earlier, so that news was a bit of a shock to her. Luckily my home in Colorado is only a 5 hour drive from Provo, so she left right away. Now, to the blind date part....

I had a blind date planned with a guy who's parents were good friends with my parents for the night after my surgery. Well...as I was puking in a bucket in the ER waiting room, my date called me to finalize details. Of course I didn't want to answer, so I made my brother answer and explain to him that I was in the ER and about to go to surgery for an emergency Appendectomy, so the date would have to be postponed, obviously. End of story, right? Wrong! But I'll get back to that a little later.

I was finally admitted to the actual ER around 5pm, where they FINALLY gave me Morphine for the pain. YAY for narcotics!!!! Big fan!!! So basically I hadn't had ANYTHING for pain for the past approximately 17 hours since my pain had started. Yeah, it was the day from Hell! Well, I had never had Morphine before and it works great for me, but it also knocks me out and makes me pretty loopy. Basically I am NOT responsible for ANYTHING I say when I'm on narcotics. I DO NOT edit what I say and basically you could probably get me to tell you anything. I'm pretty sure it would NOT make any sense though, sorry. I'm not sure if I received IV #3 or if they left the one in from the Imaging center. I thought I spent like 2 hours in the ER waiting to go into surgery. I found out later that it was actually 5 hours. My poor brother, who must seriously love me, sat with me for the entire 5 hours. I love him dearly!! Poor guy! Apparently there were like 3 or 4 more cases of Appendicitis in the ER at the same time I was there, which was really random. I was finally taken back into a prep room for surgery at about 10pm. They gave me something that they said would make me kind of drowsy. Hahahaha, yeah right. I was completely out in like 30 seconds. I don't remember anything until they were taking me into my room 3 hours later. I wasn't even awake to go into the OR. I woke up at 1am as they were wheeling me into my room on the Med/ Surg floor and my Mom had just barely arrived.

The funny thing is they put me on the floor below where I worked. 3 weeks previously I had started work on the Medical/ Oncology Floor as a PCT (Patient Care Tech- basically a CNA who gets to draw blood and put in catheters, woohoo :P). I was even supposed to work that weekend. That obviously didn't happen, but I did go up to visit my co-workers, IV pole and all, just to prove that I wasn't just skipping out on work for fun. :) The next day was pretty blurry for me. I was on a lot of drugs, which not only knocked me out, I was also in pain. I know a bunch of people from church, who I didn't know yet (later we became really good friends) came to see me. I don't remember the details though. The funny thing about narcotics and me is that, like I said, I don't have the ability to edit things when I'm on them. So, apparently I told me brother something that is entirely too graphic to put on here (I've taken so many medical classes that I tend to use correct medical terms. This isn't coming out right. Ok, I described something in detail in medical terms that normal people don't use in casual conversation). My mother was mortified, though. I think it's hilarious, but my brother was kind of horrified. Anyways, me on narcotics is dangerous for casual conversation.

Back to the blind date thing. The evening after my surgery, we got a phone call in my room that my Mom answered and guess who it was? My blind date. Yeah, guess where he was? Downstairs in the hospital. Oh yeah. No, I'm not kidding. He drove like an hour and a half to get there, it wasn't like I could turn him away. Another note on narcotics, they make me incredibly emotional. So I was completely irrational and had just been crying about something. So anyways, I got to meet my blind date while lying in a hospital bed wearing literally nothing but a hospital gown, no make-up, I've just been through surgery, and I'm totally loopy on narcotics. Lovely. Talk about embarrassing. He does get points for making me cookies and bringing me a card, but I can't quite forget how humiliated I was. Now it's just funny, but it wasn't very funny at the time. Apparently, my Mom spent almost the whole time talking to him. I was too drugged to be very conversational. That may be kind of rude, but considering the state I was in, I didn't care. I did end up going out with him later on our date, which was disastrous, by the way. It was awful. He was sizing me up for marriage the whole time, basically. But, I don't want to totally trash the guy, so back to my hospital story. Nope, I'm not done. It gets better, although the blind date part is done.

I should have gone home the next day (Post-Op Day #2?), I think (I don't know, the days all kind of ran together). But I do remember the PCT coming in the next morning and taking me vital signs. She stuck a sat monitor on my finger and nearly panicked when it read my Sats as in the 70's. Yeah, VERY bad. Ok, your "Sats" is your oxygen saturation in your blood. Basically you want it to be above 90% (my nursing professors say much higher, but basically when it gets to 88% it rapidly drops)...so the fact that I was in the 70's was a bit of a panic moment for them. I had to get a chest x-ray, which showed that the bottom of my lungs were starting to collapse (I had atelectasis, my nursing friends will appreciate that diagnosis). Basically, that put me at a big risk for getting pneumonia, unless I started moving around and coughing, deep breathing. By the way, when you've had you're stomach muscle cut through, the last thing you want to do is cough or deep breathe. Yay for nurses who told me about using a pillow as a splint. Ok, I better stop there before I get really carried away with the nursing stuff. They also sent me down for ultrasounds on both of my legs to check for DVT's (blood clots) from lying in bed too much (a cause of the atelectasis). It was a rough day. I finally got to go home the next day (I think). Recovery was like 3 weeks at home and another 3 weeks not lifting anything. That was just a laparoscopic appendectomy. (P.S. Yes, this means I have 3 tiny scars, one of which is in my belly button, basically he destroyed my belly button. I don't really have one anymore). I can't imagine what an open appendectomy would be like. Recovery sucked, to put it lightly. Lortab (Vicodin) was my friend for weeks! Thank goodness I only had one appendix, I NEVER want to do that again.

Anyways, the good thing is it did give me a lot of empathy for my patients. I know what it feels like to have a sore throat from being intubated. I know what it feels like to be in pain from having air inflated into your abdomen for surgery and then to have to burp it up for the next day (yes, they do that, and yes, it actually hurts). I know what real pain feels like (to a degree, of course, pain is subjective and different for every person). I know what it's like to need pain medication and to have to wait forever (or so it seemed) for your nurse to bring it to you. Ok, I should stop. Basically, I learned a ton from the experience.

Hmm...did I forget anything? That's a really long story, sorry. It's better when I tell it in person, with my voice inflections and facial expressions, of course. I'm not telling this to be cocky or dramatic, it's just a great story. Anyways, I refuse to go on anymore blind dates. They're not worth it. What would happen next time? I'd probably get hit by a truck and have to get my spleen out or something. I can only lose so many internal organs. Yeah, it's not worth it. No go. (because I'm morbid and like pictures) :)

"Got Milk? Got Allergies?"

Ms. Drama Queen was on a roll today. Maybe I should mention that she just got divorced, so maybe that has something to do with why everything is so dramatic for her, I still don't know. Apparently she's VERY biased against cow's milk. "Cow's milk is only for baby cows." Well then, Ok. She vehemently told us this in class today. She's against human beings consuming any kind of milk, clearly. She said and I quote "NO MORE MILK!!!" Wow...she thinks that the majority of people are lactose intolerant or have an allergy to milk and should not be consuming it. She said NO soy milk either, sorry. Soy milk has estrogen in it, she stated and "you'll BLOW RIGHT UP!!!" In other words you'll be very edematous (swollen) from it. Right. I've had soy milk and I've never "blown up." I also have milk with my cereal everyday. LOVE cereal. It's never really bothered me either. I do HATE the smell of milk though, I can't tell whether it's rotten or not. It all smells rotten to me, even when it's not. Little tangent, sorry. Anyways, the woman was pretty passionate about the subject. My friends and I decided that we'd all love to bring milk to class next week just to see what she'd do. Have a flippin' MI (heart attack), I imagine. Then a guy in my class (he may earn himself a nickname by the end of semester), decided that he should invent a bumper sticker that says "Got Milk? Got Allergies?" Um, no comment. Anyways, my professor told her normal dramatic stories in class. Except Pop decided that one story was about her having an allergic reaction. "and then the little girl, I mean boy....named Nancie, I mean Ned..." Yeah and the allergic reaction was probably to milk, go figure. Maybe that's why she's so biased against it.

We also covered HIV/ AIDS today. Pop felt the need to tell the class I have HIV by pointing at me. Yeah, I don't. But it was funny nevertheless. The teacher was like, "you don't need to tell us." Oh good grief. Yeah, you know me, total skank and druggie too (rolling eyes). The only way I could've gotten HIV is in the hospital. I did stick myself with a dirty needle once though. It sucked. I had to have my blood tested for like 6 months or a year, I don't remember which. It was less than fun. Don't worry, I'm clean. That's a story for another day though. Anyways my teacher told a story about a couple who came in before their marriage to get tested for HIV. According to my teacher the guy was "REALLY cute!!" Unfortunately, he tested positive for HIV. His fiance' then wanted nothing to do with him, of course. My teacher's comment then was like, "it was really too bad cuz he was REALLY cute. What a pity!" Or something along those lines. Uh, yeah I don't know about her sanity sometimes.

Moving on...in my other class today it was back to monkeys again. Some girl in my class watched the Discovery Channel last night and saw a show about Orangutans or something. I have no idea what that had to do with our lecture, but my friend once again stated "I'm not a monkey, dammit!" Orangutans?! Honestly, the people in program worry me some days.

Don't worry, it gets better...a lot of our lecture today was on the topic of breast feeding. Milk vs. no milk, that is the question of the day. You're supposed to switch to cow's milk at 1 year old. Would you people make up your minds? Milk or no milk?

We moved on to pregnancy. During the first trimester feelings of ambivalence or uncertainty are common in mothers. Questions like, "Is this the right thing for me?" Well, I'm sorry to tell ya, but it's a little too late for that. Sometimes Dad's have "Couvade= pregnancy- related symptoms" in addition to the Mother. The commentary between my friend and me on this was: "Serves him right." "You're mean. Remind me not to talk to your husband when you have your first child." :D We also talked about the Dad's first reaction to the pregnancy. That reminded me of that AT&T commercial where the woman calls her husband and announces she's pregnant, except her call gets dropped and she can't hear him screaming and yelling in excitement. Her response is, "Way to step up there, Rick." hahahahaha, that's one of my favorite commercials, ever!

My lecture today reminded me of when my oldest sister-in-law was having her third baby. Her doctor told her she was going from man-to-man to zone defense. Lol, so true. I love those kids though. They have nothing to do with this blog, but being in this class today made me miss them horribly, hence the picture. Isn't she cute?!:)
(Sorry this was pretty disjointed. I'm kinda tired so I'm rambling. Oh well.)

Pet Peeves....

I absolutely HATE when people spell my name wrong. It's Jennie, not Jenny. I'm cooler than Jenny with an "y." I don't think of myself as Jenny with an "y" it's always been Jennie with an "ie." Jennie with an "ie" fits me, the "y" does not. Yes, I'm very irritated. It's not Jennifer either. My birth certificate says Jennie, not Jennifer, not Jenny, not Jenni. OK?! For the love...you'd think after years of knowing me people would learn to spell my name. One time my Dad even spelled my name wrong, oh boy did he pay for it. He'll never live that down. I can't think of a faster way to piss me off than to spell my name wrong or to call me by the wrong name. OK, maybe I can, but the point is, it's not worth your life to do it...don't!!!! Am I overreacting? Yes! Do I care? NO! I'm venting about this so I don't vent about something far serious going on right now. Someone the other day misread the way I wrote my name for "Vennie" then spent the next like 2 minutes trying to convince ME that my "J" looked like a "V." #1- You're being rude, #2- No it doesn't, #3- You're an idiot, #4- This is a professional office and you are NOT being professional, good grief. On the other hand, I do like being called Jen, but mostly just good friends and family call me that. For you to call me Jen you have to be in pretty good standing with me. Or you can just call me J-Slice, lol, and no, I'm not explaining that one, sorry. OK, I'm done venting for now.

Watch out for gorillas.....

OK, watch the video and count how many times the white team passes the basketball. ONLY watch the white team.


http://viscog.beckman.uiuc.edu/grafs/demos/15.html

Yeah, it's 14. So who saw the gorilla walk through the middle of the group of basketball players? hahahaha. Watch again. Weird, huh?!

So dumb. This is what our Med/ Surg professor had us do last night in the middle of our class. Except, somehow we must have missed the punch line cuz we have NO idea what the point of watching that video was. Sometimes I think I'm paying WAY too much to go to nursing school. It's almost as freaking expensive as Med. School. What did you learn today? Um, well I watched a video with a gorilla in it, lol. Good grief. This was just the end to a VERY interesting day. It started out with breast and testicular assessments. Uh, yeah. As if that's not already an awkward enough subject, someone in our class, who I will leave unnamed for the sake of sensitivity of the subject, felt the need to share her very personal problems in that area. I believe that conversation started with the statement "back when i had a lump in my breast." Ahhhhhh.....we DON'T want to hear about it in the middle of our lecture, thank you very much. Unfortunately, she proceeded to describe in detail, the problem. Good thing I was at the back of the class, because I'm pretty sure my mouth actually dropped open and I may have actually gasped. The rest of the day just got worse from there. I won't go into detail, but it involved watching a rather graphic video of breast exams and doing female reproductive system. Don't get me wrong, I've done all of this before in many other classes and I can be professional, none of it even fazes me anymore I've been around it too long. But, I've never been in classes where people have felt the need to share the intimate details of their personal lives. I think my poor professors are ready to kill the same students I'm ready to kill.

At least there were some entertaining moments, such as when we decided the point of watching the video was to "watch out for the gorilla." Yeah, cuz I'm sure I'm gonna get attacked by one walking down the road here. Then, this picture that my teacher felt the need to include in our PowerPoint slides. I have NO idea why, again.
But the comments about this picture were pretty classic. Like, "he probably did that when company was over." lol, yup I bet he did. My favorite was, "he's probably a musician." LOL, I love it. We're constantly being told risk factors for diseases in our classes as well. Smoking is constantly pounded into us as being really bad, as is obesity. The comment that one of my classmates said about that one was, "I tell you being fat just isn't good." hahahaha, nope it's not. Unfortunately, we were talking about the increased risk of breast cancer with obesity. Yeah, we're morbid at times, sorry. Maybe it's like we said last week after our End of Life Care lecture
sometimes we joke about really morbid things because that's how we cope with really difficult things. If you don't laugh, you'll cry. I learned that quickly while working on the Medical/ Oncology Floor (cancer) for a year and a half. Learning to balance emotions, getting attached vs. being too cold with your patients, being empathetic, and people skills are all things that took years of practice, mistakes, etc. to get down. I will continue to learn those things for the rest of my life. But that's a blog for another day. In the meantime, watch out for gorillas. :)