Back to loneliness, as a travel nurse I am well acquainted with being alone. Even more so as an introvert. I actually thrive on solitude. My heart asks questions when it's quiet around me, and my soul is able to answer those questions. I am a truth seeker, as I've stated before. As someone who has touched my life deeply stated "truth is truth no matter where you find it." This statement has resided with me for the years since I heard it. I did not realize I was searching for my truth until about 5 years or so ago. I realized the beliefs I grew up with were no longer right for me. I needed deeper meaning and truths in my life that really resided with me. 15 years ago I would have told you I already knew "the truth." Now, I will tell you, there are so many truths out there, I will be searching for them my whole life. I no longer believe in a world of black and white, but one of many grays. Hence, why I say I am a Christian and a Buddhist. "My religion is kindness." There are so many beliefs from all different religions, people, and cultures that reside with me. I grew up a "Mormon" or a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. It was who I was. It still is, in and only in that it's part of my past. I no longer am a member or associate myself with this religion. This has been a difficult decision for me, and not one that 99.9% of people will understand. But, it wasn't for them, it was for me. And for me, this was the right decision. My reasons are mine alone and I won't get into them right now. Why did God pick this for me? I don't have an answer to that. What I do know, is that had God intended for me to stay a Mormon, my life would not have followed this path. I would have been content to be a Mormon wife and mother my whole life. Maybe not happy, but content. But that was not God's plan for me. So, with faith and courage I stepped out on my own path. I walked away from everything and everyone I knew. I walked away from a life that was not meant for me. I know I am now on my real path to enlightenment. There is something so much better in my future. Better than I could ever dream. Someday. Again, I'm still figuring out what I believe and this journey can be a lonely one. Most will not understand my journey, they don't have to. It's not for them. I am not lost. I have not strayed. I am not broken. I do not need to be fixed. I did not fall off the path. This is my own path, no one else's. I hope to support and love others on their journeys, but this one is mine. I am "PRONE TO WANDER" and whither I may roam, God will be by my side.
